I awoke from a beautiful dream this morning. In the dream, I held a gorgeous baby girl in my arms. She came from me and she belonged to me. She had the complexion of bronze and bared the exact resemblance of me as a child. As I held her, she gazed into my eyes and giggled while her saliva travelled down the corners of her mouth. I made funny faces and she continued to giggle. The moment was heavenly.
When I awoke, I couldn’t help but smile. It was a great start to my morning. Throughout the day, I couldn’t help but reminisce on the dream. I do desire to be a mom one day and so I started thinking of things that I will teach my little one. What if you have ALL males you may ask? Well, wellll… we will see but for now, I address this letter to her:
Dear My Beloved Daughter,
What joy it brought me when I first laid eyes on you. I feel so blessed that our Creator entrusted me to raise you. I do not promise you that I will be the perfect mother, but I promise to do my very best to raise you into a strong, bold, and fearless woman, who embodies class, grace, and integrity. I do promise you that I will love you unconditionally. With that said, I want to share a few thoughts with you that I have learnt and is still learning as I travel on this journey called life.
- Be a person of sound character. Character is a commitment to a set of values without compromise. Your values will protect you. A person with character does not live on what’s popular; they live on what is principle.
- Give yourself room to fail. The mere fact that you failed at something means that you are trying; you are exploring. Do not throw in the towel at the first or even tenth sign of failure. Keep going, your breakthrough might just be around the corner.
- Challenge the status quo. Never accept “because it has always been done this way” as an excuse to not venture into uncharted waters. March to the beat of your own drums. Create a trail where there is not yet a path.
- Be inquisitive. Question things, even if the question sounds foolish to you. Never assume, ask. Confucius said, “the person who asks a question is a fool for a minute; the person who does not ask is a fool for life.”
- Reject likeability. Do not aim to be liked because that often means you’ll have to compromise on your real self. If 99 persons do not like you for being your authentic self, trust me when I tell you that there is one person out there who will. If a boy you like does not like you, chile, that’s totally fine. It may be hard to accept to be honest (I still remember my childhood crush, and getting angry at him every time he troubled me, but secretly jumping up and down inside at the mere fact that this was a sign that he liked me). Remember that you are not merely an object to be liked or disliked, but you are also a subject that can like or dislike.
- Be brave, & speak your mind, with great love and respect. There are times when you’ll have to take a stand for something that may be difficult or unpopular, but do it anyway. People may not like you for it, and that’s okay. However, they will not be able to resist the urge to respect you for your convictions. Choose to be respected over being popular at all times.
- Buy the truth and do not sell it. Be a defender and protector of truth, even when your legs are shaking and your voice is cracking. The naked truth is better than the best dressed lie.
- Read widely. Even if I have to pay you to read (Yes I will if I must), be an avid reader. Your grandmother was well read, and I’m not too bad myself, so you better follow suit. Read autobiographies, novels, history – just read. Books will help you you gain a better understanding of the world, & you will be more knowledgeable than the conventionally educated child. I’m currently reading 3 books: The Mind Connection by Joyce Meyer, Americanah by Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie & The 7 Spirits of God by Chris Oyakhilome.
- Embrace being of black heritage. Your skin absorbs sunlight. Your hair defies gravity. Love the colour of your skin. I’ll teach you how to take good care of your hair. Love it with its kink and all. Wear it with pride because it is your crown and you are royalty.
- Be ambitious. Whatever you aspire to achieve in life, you can do so. There is no such thing as being overly ambitious. Persons usually try to categorize others as overly ambitious when they are intimidated by their drive. Set huge goals. Set goals that will challenge you. Set goals that are aligned with your purpose here on earth.
- Discard the idea of a Prince Charming coming to save you. That’s why Christ died. You do not need a boy/man to complete you. Learn to be complete and fulfilled as a single.
- Be industrious. Someone recently told me that because I’m beautiful, I can marry a rich man and I’ll acquire the things I want easily. I’m still amazed that this antiquated mindset is still alive in the 21st century. Mi amor, do not entertain such small minded thoughts. Gone are the days when women stayed at home depending solely on a man. Whatever it is that you want to achieve, be prepared to put in the work.
- I’ll be your biggest supporter. Whatever you choose to do, (as long as it is morally upright), whether it be dancing, a computer scientist, or even a writer, I will support you. I will not tell you what you should do with your life. My responsibility is to help you discover your gifts and talents, & serve as a guide as you develop them.
- Beauty is fleeting. Develop that inner character that I mentioned earlier. That is where true, lasting beauty lies. However, do not neglect your physical appearance. Enjoy the joy that comes with being a woman.
- Be sensible. A beautiful woman who lacks discretion is like a gold ring in a pig’s snout.
- Never accept people’s limiting beliefs about you. When I was a first year student at my first college, a senior male told me that the smartest guy in the IT program as never received the High Achiever Award so I will not. My darling, I went on to achieve the award twice and topped over 15 courses. Whenever someone says you can’t do something, do not try to defend yourself. Never try to debate with small minded individuals. However, while walking away from them, straighten your shoulders, hold your head up, slightly turn around and whisper, “Watch me.” Let your success defend you. That’s what I did and continue to do.
- Have the attitude of a lion. The lion is not the smartest, largest, or fastest in the animal kingdom. Why is he the king? His attitude. Believe in yourself mi amor.
- Feel free to talk to me about love, relationships, & oh yes, sex. They are all beautiful things that you will eventually experience. But my darling, do not stir up or awaken love until the appropriate time.
- The world is a diverse place. You will meet people from various cultures, religions, sexual orientation, & backgrounds. Try to understand people before judging them.
- I want to introduce you to Jesus & His kingdom. I want to share my stories of why my faith is chiseled in Yeshua & the radical encounters that transformed my life. Not the indoctrination of religion, but the introduction of a new life that Is available through Jesus Christ. I want to pass on the legacy of prayer your grandmother and great grandparents passed on to me. If you later on choose differently for yourself, then, to be frank, that’s up to you. I’ll still love and continue praying for you.
- Finally, I want to teach you how to love, & the best way I know to do this is to display it to you.
Love yourself mi amor. Love your Creator. Love people for who they are, right where they are. Be kind. Be gentle. Be humble. Be patient. Be bold. Have self control. Show grace. Forgive. Be hopeful. Have faith but most importantly, love.
With love, hugs, & kisses,